MoodsAndColors

Archives

Black White Grey And Colours

In the morning assembly Principal is wishing students great success in the exams they are going to attempt shortly. She is also warning them against the use of any form of unfair means. “A friend who appears to help while cheating is in fact crippling you, making you a dependent forever. Be wary of such friends.” Golden words.

Despite being on the other side of the fence now the mere mention of exams gives me goosebumps. As if in dream I float back into the tunnel.

I am a little girl and my dad is telling me never to use any unfair means to get anything in life. Always be honest and seek the truth. I listen to him and his words are sown deep inside. Whatever he says has to be absolutely right beyond doubt because he is always right. He is the epitome of truth.

I float nearer. Tomorrow is my Economics exam. I am well prepared. I have an excellent teacher in school and she has clarified all my problems. All set for the battle the next day. Just then my neighbour comes and shows me a piece of paper. It has a set of questions which she claims are coming in next day's exam. I laugh the whole matter away. It's not a mere school test but The Board. Nevertheless just out of curiosity and to test my knowledge I sit down and solve the questions. Fairly easy I will be able to do it. Bah! The Board question paper! The girl must be out of her mind. 

After an eight hours long sleep I rush through the morning chores and off to Hansraj Model School. As I fight the pre exam sinking feeling I open the question paper with trembling hands. First question, second question, third question…Oh my God! The girl was right. How could that be? I am pale. I can’t concentrate. All I can see is utter darkness. All I can hear is “never use unfair means”. All I can think is, why to work so hard the whole year long if I were to take this easy way out. I tell myself repeatedly that I didn’t go for it. But then I shouldn’t have seen the paper when she said it was going to come in today’s paper. Whatever had to happen has happened. I can’tt help it anymore. Let me give it my best shot now. But its too late. Before I know the time has flown away. I am going to flunk. I haven’t been able to write any answer properly.

I am inconsolable. Nobody is able to understand why I am crying. Some friends are envious. In fact they are cursing me for not letting out the secret. If only I had known. Nobody will understand. I have let my dad down. He is not going to be proud of his girl.

 “Stand straight for the national anthem!”, the commanding voice reverts me back into the present with a thud. The classes are dispersed and students are running to their respective examination rooms. I have to check some question papers so I hurry to the front office.
As young persons there was only one truth, the absolute truth. There is never a doubt about the truth itself. Its only a question of following it or failing it. But not for long. The cracks bewilder you. As a young person it’s only the black or white that occupies your value system but later the greys occupy you. The worst part is that grey comes in various shades. This keeps you embroiled in a wide array of choices. Besides it also provides an escape route to justify many a dubious short cut, act and deed. In the end though, whatever choices we make the result is always in black and white.
 
In the season of colours its not fair to talk about black and white only. I wish everybody a very colourful and happy Holi. May your life be filled with colours of joy, happiness, love, growth and prosperity.
 
PostScript : For those of you who are curious about the result of that fateful exam, the next day the CBSE Board declared it a leak. The exam was conducted again in which I got highest marks in Economics in my school. I also got 29^th position in all India ranking.

6 Kommentare 2.3.07 21:06, Comment

The Crystal Haze

The day’s events have exhausted me. There is too much excitement to contain. So I decide to sit and write.

I am wrapped in questions, problems, solutions and exercises and some more exercises. There is no end to it. Even in my dreams I am explaining how a report is written differently than an article and how Keynes differed from classical economists. What make everything more complex are the extra questions of mathematics, which are, simply beyond my comprehension and which Dove insists that I explain her. Now how on earth am going to crack them! Not able to grasp that her mom has limits, she refuses to take help from anybody else. The whims of a preteen are sometimes simply baffling. Gripped in the time crunch my guilt deepens as I am really not able to do much.

Exams over, it's time for Dove to visit her school to check her answer sheets for any errors that might have crept in totaling etc. When she comes back she is in tears. She has just fallen short of a mark to make it to a scholar. Ironically, more painful is the fact, that her mathematics teacher has awarded her three marks extra and she goes back and gets them corrected. It is too big a temptation but she has overcome it, else her Mom would be angry. But now in front of her mom she breaks down. All her dreams and hard work through the year are shattered. I appreciate her. She has done the right thing. She remains my star. However, nothing can console her now. Her disappointment has not ebbed. But then some of life’s lessons are learnt the hard way. Work harder next year. With a resolution to practice mathematics regularly the matter is closed.

Today is Dove’s result. Though the dad daughter duo can fetch the result I decide to take a half-day from my work. My decision is not free from my guilt, that I could have given her more time. We rush through the maddening Delhi traffic. Somehow we are able to make it on time.

Her teacher congratulates us. We thank her with a wry smile. Not able to digest our dryness, the charming class teacher congratulates us once again but this time she adds another word to her congratulating note. Scholar. I hurriedly scan through the report card. My eyes are fixed on the column where the heading Scholar is ticked. How could that be. She was running short of the stipulated percentage. I am no Ramanujan in mathematics but then simple percentage calculation is not beyond my capability. She clarifies. Dove was considered as a special case for the award. All the teachers have vouched for her and requested the Principal to grant her an extra grace mark. So scholar she becomes! I am too dazed to comment. All the haze has evaporated and what remains are the sparkling crystal colours.

“Honesty is the cornerstone of all success, without which confidence and ability to perform shall cease to exist.”  Mary Kay Ash

12 Kommentare 28.3.07 16:12, Comment